KEARNY, NE—Hearing tell of vast deposits of liquid gold free for the taking, California prospectors faced with drought in their state reportedly began rushing to the Midwest this week to pan for water. “Well, I’ll be damned—we’ve hit the mother lode,” said a dust-covered Jefferson “Wild Eyes” Tibbs, falling to his…
  • Beefalo@midwest.socialEnglish
    1·
    7 months ago

    I’m not even laughing, we’ve been sitting here waiting for this to go down, except it’s a huge pipe stuck in Lake Michigan and somehow Nestle owns the pipe while nobody can seem to avoid selling them the water for nearly nothing while they sell it for gold bricks to farmers out west. We get to watch the Lakes drain lower and lower. Everyone who complains gets shamed and called a bigofaschiracist. The lack of snowfall thanks to climate change means that the Midwest has seen a lot of drought conditions already, it’s just not as bad as out west because not desert. Still. Nobody is going to be happy watching that water disappear.

    Plus half the Lakes belong to Canada so that makes it all even more complicated.

    Honestly it’s the only thing I can think of that would trigger a proper Civil War.

    I’m not surprised that The Onion is sorta dancing close to the hornet’s nest to see what happens. They need to test the air on this.