This sublemmy has been a fascinating experiment into how your relatives “eat the onion”.
Yes, the tired joke is that reality is getting too ridiculous, but if you’ve been paying any attention to the AI music situation you have come to the glum realization that they can make Johnny Cash sing whatever the fuck they want him to, now. It’s very convincing. The “weird fingers” era of AI music was years ago, but people kinda missed it. Also, it sounded like Wagon Christ, so it didn’t matter. In hindsight, I hope that Bjork got a hook out of it.
Now we’re here, where they can make Johnny Cash sing a jingle for an insurance company if they can, and it just sounds like an outtake of his, maybe. For that matter, they can make your Mom talk, given a decent sample of her voice, and the sample is smaller than you might think. I would venture that a few minutes of her voice would do it. Black Mirror shit. It’s getting kinda hard to write scifi, lately, you have to pitch 1000 years from now and insist on FTL just to buy yourself some time.
This was your official warning, years late, everyone is paying attention to the visual results of AI, but the audio results got better, much sooner, and nobody really got hung up on it because we are visual monkeys, and it just did not strike us as headline news.
I feel like the automagic beat matching and tricks of something like Virtual DJ were part of the cutting edge of this “AI” thing that’s honestly harder to describe the better I understand the son of a bitch. The ability to speed up a recording without changing the pitch, ignoring the limits of vinyl, pretty much demanded making new material where the original artist just performed the song at a new tempo, in real time, on demand, but I was messing around with it as a hobbyist in like, 2015. I did not understand what I was fucking with, at all. I understood BTC well enough in 2012, but my time with Virtual DJ? I did not grasp it. If I had understood it, I would be much wealthier, only now do I understand Nvidia fanboys.
So now when they make Johnny sing, it sounds like Johnny. The only real tell is that it sounds like some old classic record of his, and not like whatever crisp thing it would be with his voice like old trees, if he was simply alive now and singing in 2024. But he always sounded like old trees. It just means they can make him sing Yellow Submarine, and you’ll be like shit, did I miss that episode of Sesame Street or something? This is great!
Nossir, I don’t like it.
It’s a graphic design thing? Tumblr and Reddit are kinda infamous for the thing where nobody reads screen names, so you end up reading a post from u/everythingipostisaboutpeopleatingshit so you get got every time you get most of the way through the post, and it’s about somebody eating shit.
Somehow my interaction with The Onion content had managed to slip through that perception filter. I tended to read The Onion articles by going to the website and reading the Sensible Chuckles. So they never really fooled me.
But aha. Reposition the presentation, and give us all a dose of Reality is Stranger Than Fiction, and suddenly here I am, going, yeah, that makes sense. I bet all the fucking phone calls came from call centers in India, kinda thing. Nah, bit right through the skin, like a sheep.
I wonder if it works like IRC. The “plague” this entire time has been servers. As soon as the idea only works because somebody, somewhere, is maintaining a server, cloud or hardware, then you’re kinda sunk. The server is the bottleneck. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen a AAA game launch only for the servers to be inadequate. It happens again and again and again, so I assume the business considerations push them toward having just enough server and maybe a little less, never extra, which costs money and cuts margins.
Somewhere there are a bunch of servers howling away in a room that are actually Discord, and Discord spends money to make them howl, so there’s never as much server as you want, which is why things start bogging down with too many people in the chat room at once.
Most importantly to a corporation, if you have to interact with their servers in order to do anything, then they can own the platform by owning the servers. So there’s always going to be a server, even if it’s not strictly needed. The same consideration goes through the head of the streamer who always wants to launch a Discord because it’s “free” but they can sell it to you and then have top level control of an entire community as an asset that can be sold to others. There’s always a server. There will be a server if the actual application doesn’t really need it.
The reason IRC works fine with 1500 people in a chat is because IRC uses the user’s machine for any sort of computation power it needs, and then everything else it is doing is just sending data across wires. There is no central server farm. I haven’t used IRC in a really, really long time, but if it hasn’t changed, then it also doesn’t support lots of picture posting, which helps. Most of the memory usage on my machine at idle is just too many Discord channels all needing to use my local RAM memory to store the umpteen thousand photos everyone has uploaded, all the memes and etc. The IRC I remember was text, and text uses so little data that it can be treated like zero data.
Lots of pictures are probably non-negotiable in the modern era. Heck, they’re pretty important for serious work tasks, like putting up a shot of the broken gadget, so the engineering team can get an eyeball on the failure, that means pictures are in, text-only isn’t viable. I don’t know if modern IRC supports this or not, it probably does if people are still using it at all.
But IRC is a piece of open-source software that you install on your machine, free to the user. It’s not a web app, it doesn’t live in a browser. The data of you interacting with others is being sent out to them and also back to you, where it shows up in your IRC client and the chat room. If 1500 people are using it, then 1500 people have each added some of their machine power to making it all work, so it scales, it always has as much hardware as it needs. Again, there’s no server in the middle to run out of capacity, so that problem is just bypassed.
Everything used to work like this, circa the late 1990s and early 2010s. Everyone was assumed to be on a PC of their own, and the only problem was how to connect them together to do stuff, like have deranged fan wars about shows. BBSs were already kind of old hat, and there’s that damn server again, every BBS has one. All the most clever apps of the 90s, even the web, managed to jump through hoops to avoid the necessity of a central server to get things done because then somebody has to pay for it, run it, maintain it and own it. We just want the wires, the lovely, lovely cables dragged across the sea at somebody else’s unthinkable expense. If you can eliminate the server somehow, then you win. And they did. Things like IRC and ICQ blew the hell up from using that model.
We really need to dig that entire concept back up and brush the dust off of it. I wonder if that’s what Matrix is.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go prune some pointless Discord channels. Oh, by the by, fucking nobody uses Slack, or knows what it is. Dudes on the internet all think it’s normal because tech offices seem to use it a lot, the rest of the world has never used Slack. Up until right now I was assuming that Discord and Slack are the same thing, owned by the same company, and Slack is just the “business casual” version of Discord. This doesn’t seem to be true, but that’s how unfamiliar I am with Slack, while being chronically online. There are probably more people around who still remember ICQ than have ever used Slack in their lives.
I love the Church of the Subgenius reference built into Slack’s name. From what I can tell, nobody who uses that thing actually gets any slack, it actively removes slack from your life and makes boss surveillance really, really easy for the boss, but you must always act as though Big Brother can hear, or you’re fucked. Good work Bob, nice joke. Anyway, I shut up now.