CHICAGO—With a demolition crew arriving outside the building just as the final Sputnik chandelier was installed, a new luxury condominium building was reportedly demolished minutes after its completion Wednesday in order to build even fancier condos. “Though we are sorry to say goodbye to this high-rise after its storied six-minute history, we are confident the new high-rise will better meet the needs of this rapidly gentrifying neighborhood,” said developer Jonathan Delano, confirming the newly constructed One Walton Place would be replaced by a future building known simply as The Bell, which he estimated would take approximately 10 years to complete. “Residents will enjoy world-class amenities such as a concierge upgraded to a doorman, a dog run upgraded to a communal dog terrace, and a lap pool upgraded to a rooftop Olympic-sized swimming pool. There will be no changes to the previous blueprints for an entertainment catering theater, whatever the hell we mean by that.” At press time, Delano added that one-bedroom, no-bathroom floor plans started at just $1 million.

link: https://www.theonion.com/luxury-condos-demolished-minutes-after-completion-to-bu-1851143295