where I work we have a not very loved bed bound male patient: he is short with answers to my female coworkers and refuses to take his medication but has never attacked anyone and has never yelled at me so far. To me, while he is rough and can come off as unfriendly, he is not somebody scary and I don’t understand why my female colleagues rant constantly about him.
I go into the room, ask if he plans to take his medication and if I can check his vitals. He agrees? fine, he doesn’t agree? I don’t push it, I simply explain why it’s important that he takes his medication, document and move on to the next patient. I have the feeling that my female colleagues nag him and that triggers him.
I feel neutral about him but not a single female coworker I’ve asked likes him. Today one of them asked me if he was unfriendly towards me and I answered their question with a no. One colleague replied that he’s been unfriendly to ‘each and everyone of your coworkers’
I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking this, but the way she said that I thought she was inviting me to hate him as much as them, if that makes sense.
I don’t care. If a bed bound patient acts aggressively I call security, they may call the cops while some security personnel deals with the aggressive patient and I’ve already moved on to the next patient and left the danger zone. And document.
Do I have to be part of the hivemind?
This isn’t about guys’n’gals.
This is simpky about how people work:
If your peers (friends, colleagues, family) have an opinion (any opinion), their default expectation is that you share that opinion - this is what being a peer is mostly about.
You can demonstrate solidarity by agreeing - this is virtually always the safe option.
You can demonstrate backbone by disagreeing - this can generate respect or animosity.
You can refuse to weigh in - this is mostly a middle ground between the two above.
How it actual shakes out in reality will depend on a myriad of factors, many of which you’re not even consciously aware of.
Thus, this random internet stranger can give you only three pieces of advice:
Trust your instincts on how to handle this. Your subconscious is very well wired to navigate social situations as best as possible.
If you ever change your opinion or “change your opinion”, announce it clearly and give/make up a reason. People disrespect people who are inconsistent, but they respect people who can admit to mistakes / learn.
Sometimes, you can’t win. Sometimes, someone will be pissed off, no matter what you do. It’s no fault of yours, some situations are just not salvageable to begin with.