This is just suggestions. Try not crucifice yourself too much. Talk with your parents , close friends and search for a psychologist. This probably can help you and give you a possibility to feel more ““relax””. Nobody are perfect and we have different problems/struggles. I wish you all the best
Dont know if this help, but buy a book about something you like (anything that you like, since a theme you want to learn or a musican that you admire).
I stop reading but I want to return , even more when I bought last year a book about learnings skills/talent