I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
There is nothing wrong with people being social at work. Strong personal relationships mean strong work relationships. And introverts need to understand that relationships matter. I say this as an introvert.
Don’t just be a robot at work. Recognize the need for good working relationships and that some level of personal interaction, and even friendship is OK at work. Today they need help, tomorrow you will need help.
To your point, I am very bad at that and work from home has really improved my productivity. See if you can wfh more. Also, sometimes you need to politely explain that you have to get something done to meet a deadline or meet priorities or whatever your situation is.
Also those bonds cary over to the professional career.
The very same coworker could be the ticket into a new company with greener pasture as a reference.
Most people spend 40+ hours a week at work. It seems wild to me to be insufferable and unhappy for such a significant time of my life. I like befriending my coworkers. Fine if you don’t want to, I guess, but people like OP confuse me. We all have to work. Why not try to make the experience more enjoyable? It doesn’t mean you still can’t have a significant other or friends outside of work. The two aren’t mutually exclusive even though OP seems to weirdly make it out to be that way.
You can’t think of any reason at all why socializing at work could mean less socializing outside of work?
Interactions for the sake of knowledge sharing or joint problem sharing is a much different situation than what op is likely describing. They are more so concerned about personal questions aimed at them.
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Wow. You really have a chip on your shoulder, my friend. If that was a lecture then you are going to have a hard time in life. I would call that gentle advice.
Did I say the workplace is the only place you can go to meet people? Obviously I did not. You put words in my mouth, inappropriately. But in your original post you seem to say that you don’t want any sort of personal relationship at work. My point is that that is bad for your work/career/life.
Work imposes some level of relationships on you. Right? My point is that interpersonal relationships at work matter to your work/career/life.
I think you could benefit greatly from some counseling. It might help you to recognize unhealthy vs. healthy thought patterns.
Best wishes, my friend.
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That was pure mockery of the style of the person you’re answering to.
Did you really want advice? Are you willing to accept it even if it contradicts some deeply ingrained notions you may have? Are you willing to compromise somewhat?
sure, advice regarding the title of the post.
If some people choose to assume and put words in my mouth, I can return the favor.
Based on your attitude, you shouldn’t have any issues for long with people taking up your time
From OP’s replies to constructive criticism, it sure sounds like they want validation rather than advice. That’s ok too.
Are you sure you really have a problem with people wanting to talk to you too much? Tbh, you don’t sound like (just) an introvert, you sound like kind of a misanthrope and I can’t imagine your coworkers are clamoring for the total lack of charm you’re showing in this thread.
I’m an introvert who’s great at socializing, and yes, even the relationships you may not seek out can be important at work. If everyone thinks of you as quiet but nice, you’re a lot more likely to get promotions, raises, good references, etc, vs if everyone thinks you’re rude or closed off. You can straight up tell people you’re introverted and they’ll generally be cool with it, but think of the time you do spend chatting as an investment in your career.
how does that work? To me an introvert is a quiet person who keeps to herself and wants to be left alone. Because this person doesn’t bother anyone else she expects others to leave her alone as well, kinda I leave you alone, I don’t bother you, why must you bother me? If I need something from you, I’ll let you know.
Neither do I understand why some of my coworkers want to talk to me when I’m very visibly in the middle of something. My last 2 interactions with them were ‘I can talk to you when I’m done with this’, but what a total lack of awareness.
I don’t know if I’m a misanthrope
Being an introvert who’s great at socializing means you don’t have problems socializing but it drains your energy.
Strong assumptions can sometimes get in the way of understanding.
For instance you say “I’m in the middle of work, why would they interrupt me”.
There seems to be a strong assumption that the other person believes as you do that getting work done is the most important thing at work.
In my experience though, forming relationships for future connections and ensuring work is tolerable to enjoyable is more important to most than getting work done.
Introversion just means socializing tires you out instead of energizing you like it does for extroverts. It doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy it or avoid it. Way too many people conflate introversion with social anxiety, being awkward, or just plain not liking other people all that much, but it doesn’t necessarily involve any of those things.
If people are interrupting you, try headphones. If I really need to get something done, that’s what I do - even if someone still interrupts, it gives them a visual clue that I’m doing something else, and then I can say, “oh hey, just trying to focus on ____, what’s up?” If it’s important, they’ll get to it faster. If it’s not, most people will say they’ll catch you later. But if people are just generally trying to interact and you see it as bothering you, that’s more than introversion.
The comment doesn’t contradict itself. It explains the importance of relationships with coworkers, and then establishes common ground with you as a fellow introvert who works from home. They never claimed to be chatting it up in the office.
My advice to answer your question is to keep up this exact attitude, though.